Silent Colleague

Freud is on my shoulder, his beard tickling my neck.

When I peer at him, my glasses slip and I can’t see clearly. He’s my friend, my confidante, my admirer.

I can conquer fear, his words dancing whispers in my head.

He says it’s okay. He says it’s normal.

I believe him. I know there’s much to learn.

He is reassuring with his degrees, he is wiser than me. He understands my fears.

They are the precise fears he’s studied. He’s educated. Experienced. He’s helped so many before me.

I feel lucky. Lucky to be alive.

I let him talk to me. I let him advise me. I let him.

No

His feet dangle and hover over my left breast. His loafers tap absently.

I can see the truth.

Conquer fear, he says.

He shows me the truth. He doesn’t sugar coat it. Tread softly no more.

I try. I try but my glasses fell off. I can’t see what I fear.

He urges me to try. He urges me to see. He urges me.

I’m trying. I’m trying. I swear I’m trying.

No

I let him see me cry. I let him see me. I let him.

He shifts in the crook of my collarbone. I feel a small crack.

I ask him questions now. I ask questions.

He says it’s okay. He says it’s normal.

I don’t believe him. I know, I learned.

He coos and caresses with words. So many words.

I can’t be studied, he says.

I feel lucky? Lucky to be alive?

Lucky to feel this life.

No

It’s easy to ignore one voice when another sings.

Freud is on my shoulder, his beard tickling my neck.

When I peer at him, my contacts stay in place.

There are maggots crawling in his beard.

Pleasingly Guilty

Should I feel guilty for being white? Where is the guilt association? Is it copyrighted? Incorporated? Is there a headquarters? Would I be allowed in? Is there a member access only? What if I lose my key? Do I want to join or is it involuntary? Nonprofit? Monopoly? I call the top hat! But am I allowed? I’m privileged. I think. Passing go is a good goal but I just landed in jail. Doubles aren’t in the dice, not in the cards. Guess I’ll wait it out. Or maybe I should pay up.

Skyscraping Scenery

We can walk away from the concrete path where dirt is praised. The greenery is breathtaking or is that the claws around my throat? -- Whoops, never mind it’s just a necktie; I’ll loosen the knot.

Each turn is sharply smooth, angled curves, straightly veered. It’s loud and inviting jittering birds, flashing moonlight. -- Ah, no there’s an eclipse, the light was a lamppost bending from the wind.

Cheshire cat smiles and filed nails are bittersweet in this hazy jungle. A Disney ride on LSD, laughing tightly until you spit. -- But these two aren’t related.

The spittle arose from a sour taste, taste tongue.

Coming undone.

Stark naked in a pantsuit -- You look ravishing my dear.

Underneath, we’re all just savages.